Charlotte Divorce Blog

Divorce Attorneys For Peaceful Divorce?

2010-09-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Doctor Aylward:
My husband of twenty two years left me to marry his secretary, after my detectives caught him doing entirely inappropriate things to her in the bathroom of Hotel Charlotte. Despite his foul romantic judgment, he has always been a caring father, and the Twins never wanted for anything. The trouble is: the bimbo is now expecting a child, and Walter is becoming stingy. He rang me up today, asking if it if I will agree that he only pays “his share” for the college. I think it is rotten of him to shirk his responsibilities, since he makes so much more money than I do. Everyone in our families has college degrees, and Walter always planned on sending the Twins to Princeton, where he took his own B.S. Education is very important to me. Should I engage an aggressive lawyer to fight for the Twins’ college funds?

Dear Parent:
ABSOLUTELY NO FIGHTING. Do not even dream about fighting. Ring Walter, tell him what a great father he is, and schedule a time (preferable very-very soon) to discuss this “agreement” he is offering.
The sad truth is that under North Carolina law, Walter is not responsible for the Twins’ college bills. At all. No matter what he planned when you were married. No matter what your family’s accustomed standard of education is. No matter how talented the Twins are. If you take your fight to court, you will discover the hard way that the Twins are not entitled to the college tuition, no matter how aggressive your lawyer. But take heart. Outside of court, Walter is free to obligate himself in any way he sees fit. Walter’s offer is looking better already? Get yourself a diplomatic attorney, have him draft an agreement, and, while you are at it, mention to Walter that you would like to set up a 529 tax-saving plan. Walter seems like a decent enough chap – why make him pay unnecessary income tax. Besides, when he sees how much you care, he may throw in his share of the Twins’ law school payments?

Charlotte Divorce Lawyer: Cynthia Shackelford's nine million dollar marriage and the Alienation of Affections Debate

2010-09-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

Charlotte Divorce Lawyer: Cynthia Shackelford's nine million dollar marriage and the Alienation of Affections Debate

Alienation of Affections.m4v

2010-06-23T06:17:00.000-07:00

Adultery and Alimony

2010-06-23T06:16:00.000-07:00

Ode to proper procedure.

2010-06-17T06:03:00.000-07:00

I read this story somewhere. Maugham maybe? An eighty-year old spinster looks under her bed every night, making sure that nobody is hiding in the dark, ready to attack her in her sleep. One day, she discovers a man hiding there!

Today I feel just like that old bird. For a decade, I have instructed clients to take the 5th, and have obtained non-prosecution letters from the DA, every time adultery is an issue. Proper procedure or waste of time and money, I wondered, doing my obligatory check for the villain under the bed. What do you know -- New York is prosecuting a woman caught having sex in the park with a gentleman friend. Turns out, she is married -- and not to the gentleman friend. It is all true -- including the reported 90 days in jail or $500 fine. If only they have thought to secure a non-prosecution letter.

2010-04-26T20:19:00.001-07:00

If you do not do that sort of thing regularly,

interviewing an attorney can be one of the most frustrating, nerve-wracking and, in the end, futile experiences.

Maybe you were having a tiff with your business partner, and he sued you; maybe your wife left you with your business partner; or perhaps your son turned up in the wrong room at the wrong party, and is all of a sudden charged with possession of 200 grams of something unpronounceable but clearly nasty. Either way, you need the best, you need him quickly, and – you realize that they all look the same. Yellow pages will make you feel as though you are forking the proverbial hay stack, wondering if the needle was ever in that hay in it in the first place.

Attorneys are like barbers – the right one will open you the doors to the parties to which you were never invited. But hire the wrong one – and you will find yourself trapped, unable to show your face to the world for weeks.
But take heart. While you are sifting through that hay we can look after you. There are – for lack of a more polite word – “bullshit tests.”

“We have Experience”
Reality check: making the same mistake for twenty years, while technically, should be considered “experience” is not exactly the experience you need. Or is it?

For an average American the word “attorney” conjures an image of a white male, dressed in a suit, posing against the background of built-in bookshelves , holding a somewhat aloof expression and a book. The older and the more “experienced” the attorney, the higher the fee. Selecting counsel by counting his grey hairs has its advantages, simplicity being the most salient. There are additional advantages to retaining the oldest attorney you can afford.
First, intimidation. Especially if your opponent is unrepresented, do not underestimate the power of a grey-haired suit intoning “objection,” or “home state is here, Your Honor” or “this is in the best interests of the child,” or “You Honor, in all 41 years of my practice….” In fact, it is rare to encounter a divorce lawyer admitted to the bar for more than ten years, who will not start most motion presentations with assuring the Court that he has not seen an opponent more devious and untruthful in all his years of experience.
There is an old saying: the guy who has been changing light bulbs in Pentagon for the last twenty years does not qualify to be a Secretary of Defense. Attorney equivalents of the elderly Pentagon janitor are the ones whose sole credential is “experience.”
Whatever such Pentagon Janitor Attorney’s cognitive abilities, educational background or work habits, there is one thing you can count on. Every day for the last ten (or twenty or forty) years, the Pentagon Janitor Attorney was listening to the pertinent terminology. The less he understood it, the less he questioned it. To him, “it is in the best interests of this child to decrease my client’s support obligations” is not a statement of the law, it is a magic incantation, like “open sesame.” And incantations work more often than one expects. Make no mistake about it, an attorney of this kind may be of value to you even though he never opens your file, is unaware of the facts and incapable of understanding the law in your case.
If your case is at all complicated, however, or if you just do not like working with conceited morons, you will do well to ask what sort of experiences constituted your prospective attorney’s “twenty years of experience.” What was his educational experience? One of the top schools or a correspondence course? Law review or bottom five percent of his class? What was his employment experience? Working for a top law firm in the field or working in a shop under the neon sign “uncontested divorces -- $300?” Was he involved on complex litigation or in changing names on the pleadings. Twenty years of the latter technically is “experience,” but it may not be quite the “experience” you want. If your guy never received proper education and guidance in the first place, his “experience” might just be repeating the same mistakes for twenty years. So then – when you interview a prospective and hear that he has “years of experience,” ask if it was good experience.
And whatever you do, do not fall for the favorite trick of the young but aspiring: “we have a collective experience of fifty years.” Ask. You might find out that the fifty seven years includes the ten years of paralegal’s military duty and the forty five years of the now senile founder of the firm. The old guy surely has an experience. He would tell you all about it, if only he could shake the belief that you are his dead butler.

"We have Expertise"

On your prospect’s website, push the "areas of practice" button. Does the website announce that your prospect will solve all problems caused by your wife, your business partner, your last fender-bender, the employee who is suing you for religious discrimination and the SEC? Unless you are hiring a firm of 80, your prospect isexaggerating his expertise. Think of doctors. Would you engage somebody who claimed that they could performa laporoscopic appendectomy, root canal, neo-natal surgery and give your wife a facelift? Didn't think so.

If you are hiring a solo or a boutique firm, it helps to make sure that the attorneys whom you hire spend time practicing whatever troubles you. If your son’s problems were largely caused by driving while impaired, do not call the firm that advises your boss on employment issues. Find a guy that is in the business of license reinstatement. If it is the wife that troubles you, your guy or a boutique should be in the divorce business. Not real estate. Not “personal injury with 10% of divorce.” Not “criminal with some divorce.” Seriously. If you needed your root canal, you would not go see a podiatrist with some teeth cleaning experience, would you? By the way, “boutique” means a law firm of a modest size, concentrating on a particular practice area. You actually have to click the “practice areas” button on the website, though. I saw a website once announcing a “boutique law firm” specializing … in personal injury, family law, corporate law and immigration." Seriously. That is like protesting that you have a monogamous relationship with your wife, your secretary and the Starbucks girl.

Signs that a law firm may be -- ahem -- exaggerating its significance

(BS busting by numbers)

1. Number of "specialties" divided by number of lawyers is greater than 1.5

2. Number of positions a lawyer claims to have held divided by his years in practice is greater than 2

3. Number of lawyers divided by number of "locations" is less than 3 (unless your lawyer is a solo -- in which case the office he has in his garage counts as the same location as his kitchen)

Signs that a law firm might be --ahem -- really exaggerating

A firm under 15 lawyers claims to do work in the areas of M&A and Antitrust

A firm without a tax department claims to do work in "corporate"

Any firm or lawyer calling themselves "prestigious," "excellent," "worldwide," and "unsurpassed," unless you are dealing with Boies Schiller, Cravath Swaine & Moore, Sullivan & Cromwell or Skadden Arps. Which I know is not your choice of counsel, because you would not be reading this.

Also, any firm calling itself "global." Unless you are hiring Linklaters. But then again, you would not be reading this either.

Just in case: if you are, in fact, interviewing somebody from these firms, stop reading this and hire them. Here is a list of top 100 law firms in the country.

http://www.vault.com/wps/portal/usa/!ut/p/c5/04_SB8K8xLLM9MSSzPy8xBz9CP0os3gzQ0u_YHMPIwODMGcjA08Tl7AQ48AgY6NAY6B8JJK8f6Cxi4GnQbCfr7GZqY-xjyEB3eEg-3CrMDBFk8diPkjeAAdwNND388jPTdUvyI0wyAxIVwQAH4DfoA!!/dl3/d3/L0lJSklKSUtJS1VRb2dwUkNRb0tVUW9ncFJDaUNsRUtJS1VRb2dwUkNpQ2xFS0NsRS80R01EQUFBQUFHQkFBQUFFQ0RBUUlVS0RDZ3dJVU9IQVJ3RUVPQ0NRbzBLTkVoUVlNV0RGZ2dZY09QRGp3UWNCQWtRSkVJQkVpVElreUVFaFFwVUtWQ0JScDBhZEpEUSEvNEJuNFJJQWhwRUdObVFwc0pRakd6SVUxRW9SaUpNakVweGpaa0tZU1VreHN5Rk1wS2FZMlpDbU1sSVViTWhUV1NpS05tUXBuSlJFa3llU2dVQSEhLzZfNjE5TlM3SDIwMFZDMjBJNERWVDNRUjNTMzUvN182MTlOUzdIMjAwVkMyMEk0RFZUM1FSM1NKNi9nbG9iYWwvaHR0cDolMCUwc3VuLmNvbSUwcGFyYW1zL3JhbmtpbmdJZDEvMi9yYW5raW5nSWQyL3JhbmtpbmdzLzEvcmFua2luZ1llYXIvMjAwOS9yZWdpb25JZC8wL3Nob3dWYXVsdEFsbFJhbmtpbmdQb3J0bGV0L3JvdXRlclNpZ25hbEZyb21WYXVsdEFsbFJhbmtpbmdQb3J0bGV0L3JvdXRlclNpZ25hbEZyb21WaWV3UmFua2luZ0luZGV4UGFnZS9yb3V0ZXJDb250cm9sbGVyTmFtZS9zZWxlY3RSYW5raW5nSW5kaXZpZHVhbENvbnRyb2xsZXI!/

Also of notice

Pinch yourself if you find:

A firm claims to practice "international law." Anybody in the firm claims to hold a J.D. from Princeton. Easter bunny. None of these actually exist.

Dating potential of the closed files

2009-10-09T07:00:00.001-07:00

Every third Thursday at 8:30, Vicky and I share a bottle of Kinzmarauli and our unfailing disappointment with the Charlotte dating pool. Vicky, a beautiful skinny shiny wedding photographer has never been married and enjoys a sanguine view on the recently divorced. To her, my growing collection of closed files is a land of walks on the beach, rainbows and Tiffany rings, all turned into stone by a misguided witch. Every Thursday, by 9:15, Vicky tries to convert me.

“Your clients,” she starts again, “are rich and beautiful?”

“I have some of each.”

“Instead of destroying the sacred institution and bringing loneliness and despair into the world, you could…”

“Arrange that you have a date this weekend?”

“And didn’t you say that you divorced a handsome, kind and brilliant doctor called Kevin?”

“I divorced a doctor called Kevin.”

If you date a recently divorced guy between 35 and 45, you must not mind that 1. all his money goes to the ex-wife, while you have to eat in. You might have to occasionally buy the groceries; 2. the only time he stops talking about his ex is when he is on the phone screaming at her, on the phone screaming at his divorce lawyer, or when you are having sex; 3. he is either scoping every girl around or having sex with every girl around (Vicky says, it’s not a problem, she can share and I make a note to buy glass tags). I am told that all these problems go away after several years, but only if you do not notice them. Although, one might wonder if striving to not notice one’s date for several years is habit forming? Nah.

Divorce Tips for Men -- Courtroom Decorum

2009-07-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

Five tips on courtroom decorum -- for men.

1. Wear socks. For the girls, sartorial faux pas has the benefit of a shock value. Dress your female client loudly enough and everybody in the courtroom might just forget what the hearing was all about. The judge will be telling his clerk: “Mary, can you believe the skirt on Mrs. What’s-her-name when she was testifying about what-was-that- about?!” Men enjoy no such powers. If you do not wear socks, everybody in the courtroom will remember you as “that cheating SOB who does not even wear socks.”

2. The judge is not flirting with you. Neither is the opposing counsel. Neither is your own counsel. You are just a job. I promise.

3. In North Carolina, the assets are divided according to their value on the date of separation. If your estranged wife arrives at your doorstep in the middles of the night dressed in nothing but high heels and a raincoat, it is possible that she finally saw you for the splendid man you are – the realization that escaped her in the prior ten years. It is somewhat more likely, however, that she learned of a large asset you purchased since you separated, and her primary motive is to share in your wealth.

4. You are classified as a “supporting spouse” because you supported your spouse. The louder you protest that you paid for everything while she did nothing but enjoyed manicures and the yoga classes, the longer you will be eligible to pay for those same manicures and yoga classes. This may sound unfair to you, but such is North Carolina alimony law. Take what you will from this.

5. Your hair is fine.

Divorce Tips for Women -- Courtroom Decorum

2009-07-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

Five tips on courtroom decorum – for women.

1. Divorce court is dull. Terrifying, yes. Tragic, yes. Devastating, yes. But also – unexpectedly and unavoidably dull.
Ladies, this is important! No matter how much the judge and the lawyers bore you, no matter how long your husband's accountants drone on, how incomprehensibly mind-numbing the direct of financial advisers, real estate experts and private investigators, you must – I repeat – must! refrain from treating a working courtroom like your dentist’s waiting room. Absolutely no: nail polishing, text messaging, hair brushing, blogging, facebooking, or organizing receipts in your pocket book. No flirting with male paralegals. No reading. There will be a copy of the Holy Bible on your desk. Ladies, the Bible is there for one purpose only – and it is not your reading pleasure. This is your first tip. Sit still.

2. This is counter-intuitive. Judge does not need your help in discerning the truth. At least he does not know he does.
Most divorce proceedings in North Carolina are bench trials. This means that the judges do all the fact-finding. Some of the judges have been fact-finding for decades, and have grown quite comfortable with the task. I realize that a woman’s heart knows when her husband lies on the stand. It is only natural to want to be helpful, so the judge catches on as well.
You mustn’t. I promise you – Justice either catches on, or it does not. But here are some of the things I ask you not to do. Shake head. Groan. Roll eyes. Point. Point, shake head, roll eyes. Wave arms. Scribble furiously while shaking head. This will be harder than you realize, but you must. This is your second tip. Sit still.

3. Courts are secure government buildings. This means that security surveillance is working in most of the rooms. Live camera feeds are available to the court security. And to the Court staff. And to the Court, if it wants to. So this is your tip number three – I think you are catching on – do not fidget when you are out of your designated courtroom either. You never know who might see you.

4. Speaking of security. Those ridiculously small rooms flanking the courtrooms are for talking to your counsel. That is why they have two chairs and a table. These rooms are not there because your ex-husband looks particularly good in his new blue shirt. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. Girls lost millions to these little rooms. Seriously, ladies. Just stay in that courtroom.

5. This is a hard one. Tips one through four require nothing but good posture. That’s all there is to following one through four. This one calls upon your good judgment.
Perfect Red Lipstick, Hollywood hills, bra strips, push-up bras, black stocking, short skirts, lace, ribbons, bright nails. These are all very good props, although they are best for the start of the marriage. Divorce court is technically not the place or time to bring out the magic. Most lawyers will unequivocally tell their clients not to use any of the props, and simply come in dressed as slightly duller clones of their lawyers. This is good, solid advice, and I give it to most of my lady clients. Think of it this way. Ask yourself whether you want the judge to remember you by the prop. Do you want to be remembered as the triple-D lady? Big hair lady? Classic red lip lady? That is not an esthetic decision -- that is a strategic decision. When making your choice, first consider your options and costs. Big hair lady? If you otherwise would remain “the one who stole all the cash and ran off with the dentist” then maybe. Big Hair might be a better option. It is a strategic decision, girls. But if you go for the big hair card, it better be So Big that nobody will remember the dentist.
If in doubt, dress like your lawyer does.

Divorce Attorneys -- When should You Get One?

2009-07-18T09:40:00.001-07:00

It is a popular belief among couples on the brink of divorce that the very act of engaging an attorney increases acrimony and hatred. That is a logical fallacy. First of all, acrimony and hatred is only created when your spouse becomes aware that the counsel has been retained. Banging the door to punctuate your yelp “You will hear from my lawyer” is a tactic quite different from that of tacitly stopping by the office of your friendly divorce attorney, while your spouse believes that you are occupied by a game of bridge at the club. Second, and even more importantly, there are many instances in which receiving consultation about the state of the law will help you learn that the offer your spouse just made is as good as it gets. Surrender your position rapidly and gracefully. Avoid the fight, restore peace and encourage your spouse to believe you are a sweetheart, if not a pushover. Just hope your spouse does not seek legal counsel, and discover that he is not getting quite the good seal he thinks. Then quick have a separation agreement drafted.

Fifty ways to dump your loved one

2009-07-18T09:36:00.001-07:00

Zagat has spoken on love and break-up. We now know the proper restaurants in which to "dump" our significant others. Apparently, the advantages to seek out include (a) the number of exits to assure rapid egress and (b) the looks of the regulars and the staff (we think for the benefit of the dump-ee who will need all the distractions (s)he can manage.)
Natually, all approved grounds are located in New York and LA. Always a fan of the small and the esoteric, Charlotte Divorce Lawyer Blog seeks nominations of a perfect local restaurant to say "I don't" to a loved one.